woke up ard morning time... start ironing my shirt when my fren called me that we had oredi planned to meet @ 1pm... totally forgot haha...
manage to reach skol by 1:30pm... talk some crap till 3pm for the mock interview @ skol...
kena spot sia when got interviewed... but i believe i gave a best ans to all questions... haha wish to spot ppl but my fren discourage me not to... :P anyway... when i was giving interview i was more nervous den being interviewed... haha but eventually got used to it le... stayed my cool and did my best...
ate something at mac with Lipsin and went separate ways.. he rushing to Yishun SAFRA for his Bowling League and i went home... plan to meet my ex together to go home but she dun wan to.. so bo pian, i went home myself... btw she went Singapore Discovery Centre today for an skol outing...
now is the sad part... she only tells me she is wif her gang... and not meeting her bf... so by coincidence they were only at a traffic light near her house when my bus pass by hugging tightly... my heart totally sank and break into millions and millions of pieces... feel so angry and moodless inside me... y cant she juz say she will be meeting her bf?? and she wud never ever allow me to hug her so near to her house... holding her hands there is only she was force to... not to say hugging... i sms her when i reached home... she din deny anything and told me she is having gastric pain... i replied to her that i wun bother her... cuz at that time i only knew she is avoiding my topic and nth else... very common amg the gers isn't it... coming up wid an excuse that hope u get it and leave her alone... couple of mins later i sms her saying sorry... i realise i had been harsh on her wat she said had a high probability to be true... told her to drink some hot drinks and take a rest... no reply... angry wid me... ok fine... i dun bother her den... i came online and saw her on msn... ask her y isn't she resting... said its fine le... so i juz put a Angry Emoticons to her... she said i had no rights to be angry... ok.. i got no rights... so i replied as a fren i worried for her... i will remember this words... i got NO RIGHTS... ok den i wun bother her anymore...
away frm PC a while to organize my files... chance upon this email that my ex sent me when we started... then 1 thing came to my mind... she wud not disclose that she had a bf to me if i had not guess that she oredi had a bf... and wud continue abt being busy and looks so carefree in front of ppl... cuz she dun wan ppl to know she got a bf only a selected few will know and i am not the selected ones... she wud did so bcuz she dun wish me to get sad... so is this heaven's fault?? she dun wan me to know things that i wanted... but by chance i got to know them... i din deliberately go stalking her or wat... juz by chance i spot it or by feelings that i knew it...... is this so hard for her to face ppl with a true heart??? finish reading the letter and found 1 thing very accurate... Only when u lost sth... den u will start treasuring it. But its too late, time will not wait for you... juz like the story "Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit or because Tree didn't ask her to stay..." now my leaf has departed... i cant ask her to stay... i am the one who made her leave...
she used to read my blog when i started posting... and i did put a tag that i wish every1 cud juz leave a comment behind... she is the 1st to start leaving comments... but her comments only made my feelings worst... she simply dun care... remember this blog that i was writing to her... she actually put a comment like this "Who is she?" is it veryy cruel to me??? she knew i only like her... even till now... yet this type of reply... i really got nth to say to her... she cant react to ppl's feelings sometime... only we react to hers...
saw last night Guess Guess Guess... found 1 of Jacky Wu's sentence very meaningful... "Giving in doesn't mean i dun love u. I am only afraid u wun love me..." this sentence will stay wid me for a long time... my ex too say i keep giving in to her all the time... so is this sentence true?? i am afraid she dun love me?? yes i believe its true... all the while i am always afraid... afraid i wud lose her... afraid i am not good enuf for her... afraid she got criticise when she bring me out and her fren saw me... i am afraid... afraid all the time... but still i lose her... i lost... lost everything... given up my hope to became an engineer... my goal is aiming at the Senior Engineering Officer in Airforce... earning 3k a mth... now... i wud rather work as a F&B operator... like waiter/captain... why?? cuz only ppl who got married or had a gf b4 entering there wud stay on... if u are single entering this line... most probably single most of your years... unless u found her love in that hotel... as for me... i dun hope for any more gf or relationship anymore... there isn't anything called true love at all...

MeLzzz's feeling at 11:13 PM.